Disclaimer: this post will have
language unsuitable for those with impressionable minds, who do not like the
mention of lady-boys, and who do not like chocolate. If you don’t like
chocolate stop reading, because you are obviously not human, and I do not want
a monster reading my blog.
So, this story is probably in my
top ten favorite things to tell people about myself. (Also on that list is the
fact that I’m probably Incan royalty, and that I used to want to be a fire
truck when I was a kid). I had initially planned on saving this story for a
later date, but it’s a nice memory I have with my best friends from high school,
and I really miss them.
At the end of my senior year of
high school my best friends and I took a grad trip to Koh Samui, Thailand.
Practically everyone from my year went there for their grad trip. I had saved
money all year for the trip, and after our graduation we finally left. The trip
was basically a week of doing whatever we wanted.
Every day in Koh Samui followed the
same formula. We woke up, got breakfast at the hotel restaurant, lied on the
beach all day, and ate lunch on the beach. Then we went home, put on our faces
and a cute outfit and went out for dinner. Typically, dinner was accompanied
with cocktails, and afterwards we headed for a bar. Then, when it was
sufficiently late we headed to the “it club,” the Green Mango, and danced the
night away.
The night of this story was a bit
different, though. Some of my friend’s friends invited us to go to their hotel
to hang out on the beach for a while after the club. When we got back to our
hotel at about five in the morning we were starving. The street vendors were
still up and running, so we ordered some Pad Thai and began to scarf it down.
However, as we were eating, a
rather skimpily dressed lady-boy hooker (Thailand is known for them) drove by
on a scooter yelling, “NOBODY FUCK ME TONIGHT!”
I’m not even kidding.
Obviously my best friends and I
were all amused so we kind of giggled to ourselves but continued to eat. She/he
came back to the corner where we were eating and sidled up to a middle aged,
chunky, white man. His greeting to the
man was, “I have big dick for you. I have nice, big dick for you.”
Our eyes were huge by this time,
but the conversation only continued. The white man politely shook his head and
laughed saying, “No thanks, I have a girlfriend.” That’s when the lady-boy
argued, “I think you have boyfriend, not girlfriend.”
We didn’t hear the rest of their
conversation because we were beside ourselves at this point. We were trying to
contain our laughter, but we couldn’t keep quiet. One of my friends began to make
remarks in Chinese. We were in Thailand,
so we figured Chinese would be safe.
We thought wrong. The white man
must have sensed our amusement, because he started to yell at us, something
along the lines of, “What? You think this is funny? You’re judging me?” We
realized that it was probably time to make an exit, so we quickly got up and
ran across the street to our hotel.
I can’t remember much else after this,
but I remember that we were really excited to tell people about what had
happened. I even told my parents when I got back from the trip.
Now that I haven’t seen my friends
in about a year and a half I’m so thankful that we were able to take this trip together.
It was a great way to say goodbye to each other before we left for college.
Also, it resulted in the great night of the lady-boy hooker on a scooter.
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